Monday, October 18, 2010


So.  In the ERs where I work, the docs have this secret, magical place they visit when they get a hankering for high fructose corn syrup while saving the masses from their stomach flus* and lower back pains.  And I do mean "secret". I've heard about these places.  I've seen the evidence that they exist.  However, I've yet to find this place at either of the hospitals, and believe me I've looked.  I've looked HARD.  It's become a mission of mine, frankly, to find the special, twinkling room with yums.  I'm not talking cheap-ass, secondary citizen goodies, either.  I'm talking serious, diet-murdering noms that are apparently in such abundance the docs can walk in and get all the treats they need to satisfy a classroom full of second graders for a month.

Sometimes, if the docs are feeling generous, they will take orders before they head back there (one of them calls it "The Piggly Wiggly").  And sometimes they will just stock the ER for the night; The Piggly Wiggly doc is really good about sharing the wealth. Most of the time, however, The Undesirables are just supposed to pretend we don't know about The Culinary Din of Sin and pay for our own Diet Cokes and chocolate.  

Not that I'm bitter.      
Say you: I take it they don't have to pay for any of this stuff? 
Say me: Hell, no.  
Which begs the question: Who does pay for the secret MD nom store? Well, the hospital, of course, meaning ultimately you and me.  These are the kinds of items our medical dollars purchases in this grand health care complex we have in the states.   

So the next time you get that bill for the x-ray that cost $13,000, bear in mind that you are supplementing the Snickers Bar intake for at least 300 people whose letters at the end of their names trump yours.  Which is important.  Because you got to choose that hospital. -> 

*Ok, this term irritates even me, and I'm far from a doctor.  There is no such thing as a "stomach flu". The flu, or influenza, is a respiratory illness caused by a virus.  Period.  "Stomach flu" generally means food poisoning or some kind of gastrointestinal bug that can be caused by a virus or bacteria. 
Say You:  Well, thank you for that unsolicited medical lesson
Say me: Now you won't sound like an idiot the next time you visit the ER complaining you've had the runs for 5 days.  Perhaps the doc will even give you a bag of Skittles to reward you for your intellectual prowess.  


Carolyn said...

I'd check the doctors' lounge. Ours has a fireplace of all things. New hospital, saw the fireplace hole during an orientation tour long before said building was finished. Of course, now it is locked so that only the "real" (not the fake Ph.D. types) doctors can get in.

Aynatt said...

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's all hoarded in the lounges, which were hidden by Dumbledore himself in these places.

Amy said...

Our doctors don't even pay for their food in the cafeteria...I watched the heart surgeon get a bowl of soup and a salad and walk right out. There wasn't even a single person in line, so you couldn't say that he needed to get his food in a hurry before his next surgery. That dude probably makes $500,000 a year and he can't pay for his own soup and salad at a total of maybe $7??!?!? You've got to be kidding me!