Friday, October 29, 2010

Spooky Stuff

Ok, there are many things about Halloween that are supposed to scare me.  And I will admit, some of them do a pretty good job.  I don't do horror movies, for instance, and I refuse to do haunted houses, even if they're just in someone's garage.
Say you: Pansy. 
Say me: Right?  
But these things right here?  These things terrify me on multiple levels:  

That's right, folks.  "Creatures in a Jar: Gummies in Liquid Candy".  These were on display at Little Missy's Halloween Extravaganza at school.  One of the moms thought the were really cute and HAD to buy them.  Kids: One each, only. Trade later if you must. 

Let's just start with the ingredient list, shall we?  Ok, never mind.  I didn't bother because I didn't want to see it.  But I've no doubt the first thing listed was high fructose corn syrup, followed by (in no particular oder): dextrohydrocarbonhyphenatedxbox, sucrosuspendedmuckxycontinbox, lactogenericthrowinwordscuzpeoplewontreadthisxywordbox, and chartreuse colorant No. 7.  

Secondly, did you see Silence of the Lambs?* Do you remember that scene when Jodi Foster goes in the abandoned storage shed that had a stuck door and she had to jack it open and crawl in there and she hurt her leg when she crawled under it and she needed a flashlight cuz there's was no light and it was all dusty and musty and there was a head in a jar tucked away in back and the camera zoomed THIS CLOSE on it (in my memory, anyway.) Well, those things up there look exactly like that head, just on a smaller scale.  And I don't do heads in jars. 

Thirdly: Liquid candy?  Really?  REALLY? I mean, dessert wine, sure.  But actual liquid candy?  Ugh.  

Fourthly:  What a waste of money!  How many kids are actually going to eat those?  

I forgot I'm not eight. A few of them actually did.  And I have proof:  

She's a brave little soldier, isn't she?  And it's hard to tell, but that pink lizard is dripping with the, um,  liquid candy.  I'm sure she required a shot of insulin soon after she arrived home.  For the record, that child doesn't belong to me.  My child gave her Creepy Freaky Thing in a (not #2 plastic) Jar to a buddy.  

And there there were some fellow pansies kindred spirits who chose a different, more subtle, route: 

From packaging, to table, to hands, to trash: 19 minutes.  -> 

*There's a story with that movie and The Geek.  Remind me to tell you about it sometime.  

1 comment:

Nectarine said...

Eeeeewwww. Gag. Yuck. I could keep going, but I won't.