Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Sharpies! For the Languid Approach to Crafting


Yet another reason why I'm a Sharpie Slut.  

There are people out there who take their crafting seriously.  

There are people who make honest attempts and do it wrong

And then there are people like me.  People who like the idea of crafting and like the results of crafting and can sometimes go into a manic-y crafty phase, but for the most part feel it's an awful lot of damn work, not to mention messy, thus laziness tends to trump desire 78% of the time. 

To wit: 

Why on earth would anyone feel the need to dig out all the paints, paint brushes, cups with water for rinsing the paint brushes, drop clothes for the inevitable mess from the paint and brushes, and cleaning cloths for said paint and brushes and WHY  would anyone walk all the way to back of the house to retrieve all that paraphernalia when there's an office right there in the kitchen and said office has what?  

Say you: Sharpies! 
Say me: YES!  Sharpies that hello?  Don't drip. And don't spill.  Winner, winner, chicken dinner.  Right here. 

So, in continuing with my new, posting-gratuitous-pictures-on-the- blog entries theme, allow me to show you Little Missy's creations from last week.  

First though, the step-by-step instructions: 

Items you need: 
1) Sharpies.  If you're particularly indifferent, you can whittle this down to a singular Sharpie. Color: black. 
2) Cute little pumpkins 

The project  

1) Give the pumpkins and Sharpie(s) to your kid 
2) Let her draw on the pumpkins. 
3) Drink wine surf Facebook surf Pinterest Sit back and watch your progeny create. 
4) Feel smug because you run a craft paint free establishment. 

Time for the project: 15 minutes.  Time for the photos: on. No matter that I was languid with the craft. Clearly I can't hide my OCD tendencies. 

First I took this picture of her creations mid-project, to demonstrate my ability using the uber-close-up feature on the fancy camera. And to be all arty: 

I thought it was a nice little vignette. I would have been satisfied with just this picture. But Little Missy's immediate response upon the viewing was:  

LM: didn't put the Dracula one on top?  

Significant oversight on my part, not letting Dracula be King of the Pumpkins.   

Bad Mom!  

So I told her I would and take another picture.  

LM: You need to wait until I get ALL the pumpkins done and then take a picture of all them.  

Silly me, leaving those other pumpkins out.  As I social worker, I should know better than to exclude and discriminate against certain members of the gourd population.  

Bad social worker!   

So she set to work getting all the pumpkins decorated and soon enough declared them ready to go.  After she took the time to arrange them just so, I snapped the shot: 

Say you: Very cute...
Say me: Hold up!  

I'm sure you couldn't help but notice that there is something drastically, horribly wrong with this photo.  I simply couldn't let it stand as it would enormously affect the overall quality of my blog. Which is exceedingly high, as you know. 

Here, let me help you out:

Can you just see how that random brick and the planter in the background simply ruins the snapshot?  How can you possibly concentrate on my daughter's little Sharpie wonders with those eyesores completely screwing up the composition? 


You can't. 

It's simply impossible.  

So I took another picture:  

Say you: Very nice! No more brick, no more planter. 
Say me: Hold up!  

The little fella there on your left is kind of fuzzy and in the shadows.  That simply won't do. After already disenfranchising these guys once that day, I was in no mood to deal with the ramifications if I did so again.   

Obviously, another shot was in order:


And again: 

Ew. Disaster.  

SY: What's wrong with that one?  It looks fine!
SM:  SHUT. UP.  I can't display a pumpkin pyramid that's off its horizontal axis!  

Letting a picture like this stand would imply I have low standards.  It would imply that I've used Sharpies on an actual painting project in my home!  


Never mind.

Moving on.

But before I do, let me just say this: those blasted pumpkins were hardly cooperative during this whole endeavor.  Since the earth kept rotating around the sun (can you believe the nerve?), resulting in the sunlight, you know, moving, we had to re-arrange the pumpkins accordingly more than once. Oftentimes there was mutiny: 

Little bastards.  

Finally, after taking like, 20 pictures, I got one I could live with: 

There!  Observe, if you will, the finished shiny, Sharpie fun-time Halloween happy, happy, joy easy-peasy-with-no-drips project!  

SY: Umm...I hate to point this out...
SM: Don't go there...
SY: ....but....
SM: Seriously?  DON'T...
SY: I can see the planter in the background again. 
SM: *Looking at the picture in stunned disbelief* 
SM:*Now looking at you and wanting to maim you*

HERE!  Satisfied?  

SY: Well, Dracula's a wee bit fuzzy. And the corner guys are not looking straight...
SM: Get off my blog.  

I thought we were done with the project. I really did. But after the impromptu photo shoot on the deck, Little Missy went on a scavenger hunt and found this, not to mention a buddy, not pictured here:

Aw, hell.  

Sharpies weren't going to really work on a warty, bi-colored gourd*.  

I Really, really did not want to get out those paints.....

.....thought hard....looked around office....



PS: Did you know there was a band out there called The Gourds? Oh, the power of the Googles...


Anonymous said...

very nice! like the new look

Baysage said...

This new look better than the last new look which was far superior to the old look.