Tuesday, November 29, 2011

I Hate (love?) Glitter. Episode 2.


If that word doesn't strike fear into your heart you're either not a crafter or you're an alien. 

It is the kudzu of craft supplies and yet every. fucking. Christmas I get sucked in by its charms and forget that opening those little jars of glitz is akin to opening Pandora's box.  

Because on the surface, glitter is all sparkly and shiny and twinkley and Whee! So. Much. Fun.  

But underneath there's a malevolence lurking

...that begins with an innocuous little project...

...and ends with Thumbelina having a full on rave in your home, as evidenced by the glitter not only in your workroom. 

But in your hallway. 

And your kitchen. 

The bathroom. 

The kids' rooms.  

And on the living room carpet.  

That you just steamed cleaned three days ago.  

I haven't even gotten to the part where it somehow ends up on your face.  

And in your hair.  

On your kitchen table.   

Say you: You bitched about glitter last year, you know.  

Say me: I did?  

I DID.  


It's so wrong it deserves an annual entry extolling its wickedness!  

Say you: Sigh. So, you're going to tell us anyway.  What did you make?  

Say me: Christmas ornaments.  

Every year for the past few years I've tossed the traditional hang-the-same-ornament-on-the tree and gone for a theme.  

Paper dolls the next.  

This year, Libby suggested Ancient Egypt. 

And before I go any further, I'm not offering a step-by-step tutorial on how to find clip-art online and then adorn with shimmery craft-virus-in-a-bottle. I think you can do that all by yourself.

As I was saying...Ancient Egypt. 

What, you don't think cartouches belong on a Christmas tree?  Well, think again.  This one says "Honey." Libby made it in honor of her great-grandmother, age 90, whom she met last week for the first time. I'm the one who dubbed her "Honey" many moons ago because I couldn't say "Grandma." It forever stuck:  

And her glitter shots: 

Here's one of mine (top sheet water color, bottom sheet marbled paper): 

I would show you the whole tree in context, but frankly we're still spreading gaudy sand all over the house making ornaments. The tree is only half dressed at this point. 

As for my other ornaments and previous memories wrapped up in glitter et al, this year I displayed them in groupings on my bookshelf in the living room.  

Warning! I-do-holiday-vignettes-better-than-you-don't-you-feel-like-a-loser? shots forthcoming.

These were the first set of ornaments I bought for myself. They make me happy:  

Some of the kids' earlier masterpieces: 

And earlier snowmen they made at school: 

Ummm...Second grade wasn't TJ's best year. He's much better now.  

Moving on. 

You know how you get all obsessed with a particular project that goes on forever and then you lose interest and all of a sudden you have literally one thousand finished items you made from your temporary bought of craft insanity and what the HELL do you do with them because your mother is really tired of them, and your friends could not care less about owning them? Here's my solution: 

Mitch's grandmother actually made the two perched on the white dealy-bopper.  I made the rest.  

Did you see this little guy?:  

I'm sorry.  I made him too. Polymer clay. It was a one-time deal.  

Here's the whole book shelf: 

Yes. I sorta have a German nutcracker and smoker obsession. 

No, I'm not posting anymore close-up shots. You can breathe a sigh of relief. 

Yes, I left the top shelves alone. To prove that I'm not completely daft on Christmas. (read: Libby didn't take those frames down because she couldn't reach them and who am I to argue? Thank God you can't see the dust up there.) 

Now, off to crack open my brand-new glitter! Which I purchased yesterday to adorn my as yet finished ornaments. It was a completely necessary purchase because we had run out of gold. And I didn't own white glitter at all.   

And just to reiterate, I'm totally not daft on the holiday. At all. -> 


Nectarine said...

I love love LOVE those grumpy, meltedy snow people. They definately deserve pride of place in the Christmas display!

Tanya said...

They get put out every year! Can you believe we haven't named them? Shame, really.