Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Getting Old Sucks, Episode 3

You know how you go to the store and it's really crowded and you have a lot of stuff on your mind and you're shopping for 15 minutes hours so it's natural that you might have forgotten where you parked before you went in and then you go outside to the parking lot and you can't find your car?  

This happened to me recently.  

OK, it happened to me yesterday.

Before I go any further, let me explain something. When I'm forced to be a Mart of Darkness patron, I always try to park in the little side lot on the south side of the store. The lot only fits about 100 cars or so (as opposed to 6,548 cars the parking lot in front of the store fits) and because of its size, it's much easier to find my car. Sometimes, though, Wal-Fart will close off half of that parking lot to temporary house train cars full of cheap crap made in China really important stuff that I'm sure we all need. Even when those cargo crates are there I will drive through the little lot on the off chance a parking spot is available.  

Yesterday was one of those days. 

This is an important detail to tuck away.  

So I was running last-minute errands, something I'm sure I'll be doing all week, and  my mind was elsewhere. It was an astonishly quick trip for me as I had something quite specific in mind that I was shopping for. I stormed out the door with my goods in hand and walked straight to the section of the parking lot I use when the little section has nothing available.  

Which was pretty impressive, really.  I wasn't completely on auto-pilot and remembered BEFORE I walked to the little lot that there were no spots available in said little lot and I had to use the mammoth lot.  On these occasions I always park in the same vicinity so I can, you know, find my car.  

It was cold. 

It was windy.  

It was wet. 

It was monochromatic: 

I was in a hurry because I had two other places to patron before Libby arrived home from school and time was running short. 

Naturally I couldn't find my car.  

I walked ALL the way down one aisle of cars and ALL the way up another--which if you've been to a Super Mega Ultra Darth Mart you know is easily 2 miles. 

Huh. I missed it on my first pass.  I'll try again.  And this time I'll use my car clicker.  Love that thing, which has a range that goes on forever, so when I click it my car will call out to me and say "Here I am!" with a little beep. 

There I go, being all clever.

Except there was no beep. 

Walking and clicking and walking and clicking and walking and clicking and NO beep.  

Let me tell you something:  

When it's cold and wet and windy and monochromatic and you're in a hurry and you KNOW you parked here somewhere on THIS aisle, (or maybe the one next door, but still, you parked right here somewhere) and you're walking and clicking and walking and clicking and there's no beep, there is no room in ones thought processes for logic or rationality.   

Someone stole my car.  


An abridged running commentary in my head:  

HOW could this happen?  It's broad daylight out and this parking lot has security and why on earth would someone want to make off with my little Subaru anyway? (click--no beep) I guess it's pretty new but still...This close to Christmas to boot! Nice. (click CLICK--no beep) Way to go asshole. (CLICK CLICK--no beep) I hope you feel good stealing a woman's car. A woman with CHILDREN. OH MY GOD. How can I possibly work out later if I'm in the middle of dealing with the police about a stolen vehicle? That's going to take forever. (CLICK CLICK CLICK--no beep) Mitch is going to have to leave work early so he can be home when Libby gets there. OH. My. GAWD. Insurance is going to be a living nightmare. I don't want to have to drive a rental again. (CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK--no beep.) I can't believe someone STOLE MY CAR.   

I was out of my head and near tears but had to yet to make any kind of phone call but was thisclose when out of nowhere it struck me.  

The realization that yes, I actually did park in the little lot by the side of the store. I just didn't park in an actual parking space--I sorta made one up.  

The good news is no one stole my car. -> 


Carolyn said...

I have no words! Merry Christmas and have a wonderful new year!

Deirdre said...

THANK YOU for admitting what we've ALL done! Love it!

Merry Christmas ...