Wednesday, December 28, 2011


You know how sometimes I give you recipes for something really evilicious in my posts instead of writing actual posts?  

This isn't one of those posts.  

This IS, however, a post that is a)about cooking and b) will prove to you that my blog can compete any day of the week with all those frilly foodie blogs.  

Who needs perfect casseroles and pristine cookies and cupcakes adorned with ribbons and chicken enchiladas sprinkled with Martha dust when you can have this: 

Obviously there's a story here involving heavy cream and a carton that doesn't have a very large note on the front of the box that says Open the box RIGHT HERE. DO NOT open the box on the other side. You will regret it. I swear!!!
in big, bold, italicized, underlined neon pink letters. 

I thought I was living life on the edge. I thought it would OK to open the heavy cream for my caramel on the "wrong" side. All those cartons tell you to OPEN OTHER SIDE (in all caps,) but they don't give you the aforementioned warning on the box before you start to open the carton and by the time you get to the warning you're already half-way there and no one wants to use a carton that's been pulled apart on both sides because that just puts wrinkles in the space/time continuum which in the short term is probably not a big deal but long-term will likely cause one out of four sea otters to be born with horns and have the personalities of chihuahuas and the milk product pours just the same out of either side so seriously, what difference does it make? 

Apparently a lot.  

Which wasn't apparent at first.  

But as I began to pour, I quickly noticed that the cream was not going into the bowl as I had anticipated, but instead was pooling at an alarming rate in my utensil drawer 18 inches below the bowl. 

The logistics there are too complicated to explain, but trust me, it happened.  

Then I really looked at the carton after I broke the cardinal rule of not opening on the other side, even though Land O Lakes told me, in all caps, to do so:  

Turns out cream-pouring accuracy is greatly reduced in this particular circumstance. 

It also turns out that living with The Geek does have its advantages because despite my best intentions the man has rubbed off on me:  

Say you: I'm unclear how you're competing with foodie blogs when there's no recipe and all you did was...

Say me: REALLY? I give you duct tape and you question my judgment?  Get off my blog.  -> 


Anonymous said...

I do it all the time - a real bummer Mom

Carolyn said...

The real question is... How did the evilicious whatever turn out?

Nectarine said...

This post made me giggle, thank-yuh!