Wednesday, April 4, 2012


Sometimes I think I should live on a farm. I find all farm animals fascinating in a ridiculous kind of way, and every time I encounter them I want to take them home with me. 

Never mind that I live in the middle of town. A goat would look totally cool hanging out in my backyard.  


How can you not love goats? 

Or sheep? 

Or COWS?  

Cows are awesome. 

I mean, they're huge and sorta terrify me when I see them up close but every time I initially encounter them my brain interprets them as kittens and I just want to snuggle them and bring one home with me. 

Plus bonus! Milk. 

And don't you DARE go there.  

I'm not a vegetarian, but NO cow of mine would end up on my table. 

Nope. I would name her Mable and she would be my pet forever and ever. I would put a bell around her neck and she would be the talk of the town and hand out candy to all the (read: two) goblins who knock on my door on Halloween. Good thing I have a king-sized bed, because I imagine they take up a lot of room sleeping and I need my space at night. 

Say you: What about The Geek? Where would he sleep? 

Say me: Who?   

Look! I can prove to you how much I love cows. Check out the wallpaper on my phone: 

I took this on an Amish farm 2 years ago.  I named the cow iRonnie.  
Which brings me to my new dream pet. 

As I noted the other day, I met him at a local greenhouse and I was stunnedAs soon as I saw him, I knew he could be Beyonce's boyfriend.I also knew he could bring to my blog a ne c'est quoi...that it needed. 
I swore to myself I would go back and get his picture because he's the most spectacular thing ever.**

You'll see why in just a minute. 

But first let me tell you how difficult it was getting him on "film." He wasn't elusive so much as cameraphobic. Any time I got even remotely close to him with my gizmo, he took off like a bullet. Naturally he would go hide out UNDER all the Lllllloooonnnngggg plant tables, which did nothing for my planned photo exhibition but amplify the fact that 1) my knees aren't getting any younger and 2) I seriously need a camera that takes better pictures in low lighting. If nothing else, I need to invest in a better flash instead of using the crappy on-board one.*** 

I digress.  

I stalked him. For almost an hour. I tried to get him out in the open. I tried to get him eating. I tried to set up shots beforehand and catch him on the move for a groovy "action shot." But he seemed to always be one step ahead of me. Anytime he was still for just a moment, I had naturally chosen to take a break and put the camera down just prior, forcing me to scramble and try and catch him. Therefore for all of my efforts most of what I captured looked like this:

Cheeky bastard. 

After following him around for nearly an hour, and getting mocked by the Mexican work force (they were talking in Spanish, but I know parody when I hear it) I finally caught him. 

It was worth it.  

The woman at the nursery called him "the stupidest bird" but I think that just adds to his charm. My friends, meet Larry, The Rooster Who Dons an Andy Warhol Wig.  

I want one.  WANT.  My birthday is in May.  

He's now the Trench Warfare (too) mascot. ->


I have a fan! She's also an old friend, but she a is regular here in my trench and OMG I could totally kiss her right now. Which is an appropriate response considering the whole Beyonce + Larry = Hart thing I've got going on right now.  

Just LOOK what she did!  

Thanks, Deirdre! 

*See? This is the kind of devoted reader I am. I find genuine companions for your metal yard ornaments. You WANT me following your blog.  

**So much so, that as soon as I post this entry he's going to be my new cover photo on my Facebook page. 

***YES, Geek Man. I went to the camera shop. Thppt. 


Deirdre Newcomb said...

Larry? Larry? That's the best you could come up with for a name? As awesome as he is?

Hmmmm .... don't know if Beyonce wants to be stuck with "Larry"...

But he is amazing.

Now ... about cows ... no. I'm not going THERE.


Tanya said...

Everyone expects him to have some posh name, right?

What would you suggest?

Deirdre Newcomb said...

I don't know ... you're the blog writer! You're supposed to be creative!!:)

StuD said...

He looks like an oppenant of little Jerry Seinfeld . I think your Larry is earning some extra sash for the farm late night. The stupid bird comment supports, since, well the fighters aren't the brightest.

Deirdre Newcomb said...

THIS: is why I say "Larry" is WAY too tame of a name for Beyonce!

Tanya said...

Mathilda St. Whiskers does have a nice ring to it, but here's the deal: I love it when animals are named with people names. Thus, "Larry."