Mirage

At one time, an old friend of mine referred to Maybelline as the Dan Quayle of cosmetics.  ->

Ben

Mom got a new toy.  ->

Char

Some purchases are just annoying.  ->

Zer

I've no doubt that as I was standing in the check-out line at Target, waiting to purchase my over-sized can of diced tomatoes along with other essentials, that the people behind me seriously questioned my mental faculties when I started snapping pictures of batteries.  ->

GE

   

The magic of Facebook.  I posted there that my Crock Pot*, age 17.5 years (it was a wedding gift) finally died.  OK, truth be told the LID died.  Because I accidentally melted it.  Which is a whole other entry.    

Moving on. 

I had grand plans of going out and buying another one today. A bigger one! One with digital readouts! And a locking lid!  And set the table! And do the dishes along with cooking my dinner! So I posted and asked for suggestions.  One friend responded that he had two and I could have one of them.  

Score!  

I get an almost new appliance, a blog entry, AND get to feel all virtuous because I didn't have to actually purchase said appliance.  I'm reusing!  I'm reducing!  Yay me!  And for the record, I had The Geek drill a hole in the bottom of the old crock and it will serve has a planter come spring time.  So I'm reusing not once but twice.  

I simply love Mother Earth and it shows.   

Say you: So why did this guy have two crock pots?  

Say me: Apparently the one above didn't match his other appliances. -> 

*I didn't realize until just yesterday that "Crock Pot" is actually a brand.  I thought they were all called crock pots.  Nope.  The other versions, as indicated in the pic, are named "slow cookers".  To my dying day, though, I will call them all "crock pots".  Just like all petroleum jelly is "Vaseline". 

WAS

   

This post is likely to be all discombobulated in tone because I am sick.  Sick. Sinus-exploding sick. Achey sick. Nose-raw sick. Popping-pills-every-six-hours sick. And I wish I could say I was popping good stuff like Lortabs or Vicodens.  Sadly, it's only ibuprofen and OTC sinus pills and I'm seriously questioning the efficacy of both at this juncture. Anyone know where I can score some opiates?  

Never mind.  The local high school is not even a mile away.  I can probably get some off some kids at lunch time. Thanks in advance to the parent with the chronic lower back pain who will be contributing to the relief of my temporary condition which allows me to work out in conjunction with my whine.  

Yes.  I worked out today.  Meaning I've officially rounded the bend.   


Oh!  And I'm on call tonight.  Which is excellent. And I'm not bitter at all.  

So I took this pic as I was uploading the other one I took, which turned out to be complete dung.  The lighting was bad and Blogger was giving me fits with uploading and I just didn't have the energy to fight the digital man.  My addled brain is telling me it's a cool shot.  It works!  We'll see how I feel in a week.  

Wait.  I'm tempting fate by saying I'll be plagued with this nonsense for a week, so let's try that again: 

We'll see how I feel on Friday.  Morning.  Early.  Like before 8.  -> 

Related articles

• Sinus Headache Symptoms: How to Recognize Sinus Headaches (common-patient-ailments.suite101.com)
• Natural and Effective Remedies for Treating Sinus Infection (healthlifestyleforever.com)

Thirsty?

   

One Stop

   

If you can remember from previous entries on my old blog, I have a love/hate relationship with gift cards.  From the beginning, I've always found them to be a bit of a cop-out in the gift-giving department.  Plus companies can put all kinds of restrictions on them (although they're not as bad as they used to be) manipulating the cards so that The Man makes money off of them no matter what.

And now you don't even have to go to the actual store or restaurant to purchase them.  Now, right next to the gum and the lighters in the impulse buy section of your local Mart of Darkness or Walgreens, there's literally a wall of them from which to choose.  Today I saw cards for the following:  Applebees, Starbucks, AMC, Red Lobster, Burger King, iTunes, Subway, Outback Steakhouse (Although I'm not being fair with them.  Because you can design your own gift card on their site! Totally personal that way), Dennys, On the Border, Chilis, Day Spa (Chain spas?  Really?  Of course, why am I even surprised?  The person who came up with the business model for these was probably hailed as brilliant), AT&T phone cards, American Express money cards and Farmville.  

That's right, I said Farmville--that game on Facebook where you obtain a farm and manage it.  That same Farmville that inspired 40+ pages of people starting groups entitled "I don't care about your farm" or some variation thereof.   The game is supposed to be free. And I guess it is, unless you want to upgrade your bovine and chicken collection. 


This trend of one-stop gift-carding strikes me at once brilliant, efficient, and pandering to American laziness.  Not only do you  not even really think about said gifts for recipients of all persuations, now you don't even have to do the legwork to obtain said not-thought-about gift.  Not to mention what it says about the trend of consumerism for the past 50 years: more and more we've been overrun by corporations.  I think that wall of cards speaks volumes on this fact. 

And I wonder what kind of deals Darth Mart and Walgreens are getting from having all these cards from other nation-wide chains on hand?  Because I can guarantee you they're not housing them out of their corporate need for philanthropy.  

Oh, by the way?  Costco offers discount gift cards.  

Related articles: 

• Old McDonald's Has a New FarmVille Deal With Zynga (nytimes.com)
• Five Easy Ways to Get Free Gift Cards (socyberty.com)
• Target to sell Facebook Credits gift cards (usatoday.com)

C6

   

Say you:  It's a vending machine.

    

Say me:  There are two that live in the lobby of my local public library. 

Every since I read The End of Overeating earlier this year, I've been aware of all the places that offer food in addition to the primary services they provide--places that 25 or 30 years ago would never have done so (the author touches on this in the book).  So the machines mildly offend me on two levels: First, that there is an opportunity to buy something at one of the few places in our society where consumption simply isn't part of the equation and secondly, that there is an opportunity for people to eat where eating shouldn't be part of the equation.  

I thought eating in the library was against the rules.  Come to find out, it's technically not.  I have a friend who works there and she said one night when she was working, a dude had a pizza delivered to him there.  

Which is just wrong. 

By the way, did you know you can buy a vending machine at Costco?  Yup.  $4899.99.  Between coffins and now junk food dispensers, I'm beginning to believe there simply nothing you can't buy there.  It's inspired me to start a new label for my entries: You can get it at Costco.  Which means I'll have to start checking their website daily. 

We don't have Costcos in Oklahoma.  Too bad.  I was really wanting a slushy machine for my kitchen.  -> 

Related articles: 

• Books a la Vending Machines - CityNews - citytv.com (citytv.com)
• Tokyo's Smart Vending Machines (pinkbananaworld.com)
• http://www.artomat.org/

Grave Concerns

  

Say you: What the.....is that a cemetery?  What on earth does THAT have to do with consumerism? 

Say me: Oh, dear reader.  Death is big business.  Even when we kick it, we can't escape the ensuing costs of that privilege.  

The average funeral in America costs between seven and nine thousand dollars.  The break down for the costs include everything from the use of the funeral home to the casket, but not necessarily a limo ride to the graveyard and certainly not flowers.  Sure, in small towns the funeral home may be a very profitable family affair, but there are several "death services" companies that are publicly traded on Wall Street. Meaning they're kinda like Applebees on behalf of the Grim Reaper. You can purchase insurance for your funeral, for crying out loud.  You can upgrade your send-off, or you can go economical and buy your coffin at Costco.... 

(Say you: Don't be crass.

Say me: I linked to it, didn't I?)

OR, if you want to be cremated but still want an open casket viewing of your corpse, you can rent a coffin for a mere thousand clams a day.  You can go to school and earn a degree in Expiration Management, or whatever it's called. It's a multi-billion dollar affair, this dying thing. 

Urn you glad I warned you?  -> 

Related articles: 

• 5 consumer tips for planning a funeral (msnbc.msn.com)
• I'm gonna die, you're gonna die (new.exchristian.net)