Bites

I'm quite sure that they translate "sensible portions" as "half the bag in one sitting.  With chicken salad."  ->1

rasp

Day four of no school, snow on the ground, below freezing temperatures, iced over streets and a family of four slowly going mad. 


Bonus! It snowed ALL day.  


Here are some things I've learned: 


1. It is important to buy provisions. As the picture above will indicate, I didn't buy enough on Monday and was thus forced to stock up today.  
2. This is totally true.
3. When you go to get a pedicure, it's best to wait until there's not three feet of snow on the ground. Because those little flip-flop thingys they give you to protect your newly painted tootsies will not keep your feet warm.  Or dry.  
4. Snow, when it encounters temperatures above freezing, melts.  And then, despite strategically placed towels at all points of exit and entry in your house, you end up with puddles of (really cold) water every. Where. 
5. Inquisitive teenagers with an insatiable appetite for knowledge are likely to pilfer your non-fiction library books. 
6. It is possible to work out at home.  What one needs to keep in mind, however, is that the walls in your living room are closer together than say, the walls in the aerobic room at the YMCA. 
7. And that living room throw rug can literally trip you up when working out, so take heed. 
8. There were a lot of dust bunnies living under said throw rug. 
9. I'm not sure I even like that throw rug.  ->


But I love this song.  Go ahead.  Mock me.  I could not care less. 

The Bleus

I'm ashamed to say I didn't have a relationship with bleu cheese until just a couple of years ago.  All that time wasted and for what?  Inferior salads, inferior crackers, and fruit with no serious accompaniment. 

I'm not proud.  

By the way, I bought it here, which is a Norman gem.  I frequent this store at least weekly, because quality cheese in my fridge is a quality of life issue. ->

Steel Cans

REE

Sometimes there's just no compromise in the kitchen and the brand-name on food is a must.  Spaghetti sauce?  Throw in the store brand can of diced tomatoes.  Chocolate/chocolate chip cookies* with peanut butter chips? Only Reeses will do. ->

On another note, RIP Gerry Rafferty.  I know this is a bit belated and I know he only had a few songs worthy of our listening time.  But Baker Street is, hands down, one of the best songs that high-rotation radio ever gave us.  The Foo Fighter's tried to cover it.  And God knows I love them, but they failed.  

Like baking chocolate/chocolate chip cookies, sometimes only the original will do.

Related articles

• Gerry Rafferty May Not Be Known By Name, But Was Known By Songs (newsroom.mtv.com)
• Gerry Rafferty's Baker Street: the story of the song (telegraph.co.uk)

*At the time I wrote this, there was obviously a side thought going on.  Then I forgot to put it in.  And seeing as I'm making this correction a few days later, I'm lucky to have remember to put my pants on this morning, never mind remember what was flitting about my head last week. 

Zapps

  

Zapps potato chips are the best potato chips on the planet. Period. And while we're on the subject, don't let anyone try and tell you that the Cajun Dill flavored are the tastiest, when the Hotter 'n Hot Jalapeno or the Spicy Cajun Crawtaters run circles around the other flavors. ->  

Proceed with Caution

   

Maggie Moos is serious danger to the waistline. Serious. Danger. to the waistline.  And their sneaky strategy in Norman is this: I know they have a child's sized cup--which is the smallest available--but it is no longer displayed on the counter.  They keep it psuedo-hidden behind the counter,  therefore people who don't know any better are forced to size up to a "small" (which is big, and the sizes upwardly increase from that point).  

Yet another subtle way The Man gets us to spend (and therefore eat) more.  

That being said, this ice cream is over-the-top good.  I go there only on rare occasions as the calorie content of a child-sized cup is roughly equivalent to a week's worth of food.  And every bite is worth it. -> 

GE

   

The magic of Facebook.  I posted there that my Crock Pot*, age 17.5 years (it was a wedding gift) finally died.  OK, truth be told the LID died.  Because I accidentally melted it.  Which is a whole other entry.    

Moving on. 

I had grand plans of going out and buying another one today. A bigger one! One with digital readouts! And a locking lid!  And set the table! And do the dishes along with cooking my dinner! So I posted and asked for suggestions.  One friend responded that he had two and I could have one of them.  

Score!  

I get an almost new appliance, a blog entry, AND get to feel all virtuous because I didn't have to actually purchase said appliance.  I'm reusing!  I'm reducing!  Yay me!  And for the record, I had The Geek drill a hole in the bottom of the old crock and it will serve has a planter come spring time.  So I'm reusing not once but twice.  

I simply love Mother Earth and it shows.   

Say you: So why did this guy have two crock pots?  

Say me: Apparently the one above didn't match his other appliances. -> 

*I didn't realize until just yesterday that "Crock Pot" is actually a brand.  I thought they were all called crock pots.  Nope.  The other versions, as indicated in the pic, are named "slow cookers".  To my dying day, though, I will call them all "crock pots".  Just like all petroleum jelly is "Vaseline". 

Toids

  

Sometimes there's just no compromise.  And don't pretend the wintergreen flavored or the cinnamon ones hold a candle to the originally celebrated, curiously strong, tried-and-true Master Mint.  Because they can't. -> 

Glad

GLAD containers and their other branded cousins, not to mention the off brand step-cousins,  have officially been put on my shit list.  In theory, they seem amazing.  They're the aught's answer to Tupperware, right?  And bonus! You don't have to go to some stupid home party where you eat hor d'oeuvres* made with crescent rolls and little smokies and chocolate chips and feel guilty if you walk out without having spent at least $50.  What's more, you can freeze them!  You can microwave them!  You can reuse them again and again! You can fill them with goodies at Christmas and give them away! It's two gifts in one!  You can lose them and it's OK!  

Yeah.  

See, this is where, again, we've got a bait-and-switch of serious proportions going on thanks to the mad men (and thanks to you, Ms. Passerby, for the term which I shall now shamelessly adopt).  

Because on the commercials and on the net and on foodie blogs, those containers look, and will thus always look,  like this:  

              

And you buy them thinking your food is going to be all pretty in your fridge or cupboard.  And because you have pretty food, you're certainly going to be motivated to keep these containers organized.  And an organized kitchen means an organized cook means you're really a chef and cooking like Emeril every night of the week.  And when you cook like Emeril every night of the week, then you can start entertaining regularly, meaning you are the Martha of your city and county.  And being the Martha of your city and county means you end up with a blog that everyone follows, raves about to their friends and makes you famous among 26 to 45 year-old mothers who run out en masse and buy your cookbook.**

You are the Alpha and the Omega.  Aphrodite.  A culinary Bruce Springsteen. 

In reality, however, and presumably after you've spent your monthly grocery allowance obtaining every possible shape and size of these these magical boxes that will make you cook like Emeril, you discover there is a dark side.  

Like tops that warp in the microwave, rendering them useless. Food that gets the containers all crusty and won't wash off.  Ever.  Spaghetti sauce that stains.  The dog's tendency to chew the rim off the one that had the (forgotten) pancake batter in it.  The dishwasher that can wreak havoc on three tops at once because they fell through the cracks during the washing cycle and landed on the heating element. The containers that get pushed into the corner of the backyard from feeding the dog the (forgotten) chicken dinner from 9 days ago.  Then it rains and gets all mud-soaked and who wants to use it now? 

So.  One by one, the tops and the bottoms get ruined or broken or destroyed or something.  But the ruinous events never occur simultaneously to the set.  Oh, no.  They slowly nickle and dime their way through your collection until you're left with a vast supply of ill-fitting pieces in which the teenager in your home will none-the-less pair together and try to pass off to you as properly contained leftovers.  Or, more likely, said teenager will just stick the leftovers in the fridge in the sub-par accamodations unbeknownst to you.  And then you will grab it 24 hours later, ignorant of the fact that the lid doesn't quite fit.  The cat will tear through the kitchen right in front of you at that exact moment, having been freaked by an errant noise from somewhere in the neighboring town, which will greatly startle you. Ergo: chicken noodle soup all over the floor.  


Naturally, being a slow learner, you buy more and the cycle repeats itself. 

As for staying organized?  

Behold my container cabinet:      ->

*Say you: You had to look up how to spell "hor d'oeuvres" didn't you?  

Say me:  Please.  I can't spell "sheriff" without a consult.  

**No. I don't own it.  I can cook as good as her, thankyouverymuch. 

Earthquake!!

   

Oh my God!  There was an earthquake this morning here in central, Oklahoma.  The epicenter was just 10 miles from my house. I've never, ever felt an earthquake before, so all you out there experienced with such matters just need to hold your tongue (and typing fingers) and let me ramble for a bit.  I swear, I thought a tree hit the roof.  Twice.  It was really loud.  And strange. And frankly, scary.  I had no idea what was going on until I talked to a neighbor.  And even then I was dubious.  (Earthquake?  Here? Whatever.) 

  

For the record, we don't get tectonic plates shifting around on the plains.  We get rotating storms in the spring that wreak havoc not only on mobile homes, but, more crucially, our afternoon and evening TV viewing (via local news coverage that won't. Let. Up. Ever. And then Hollywood channels them and wreaks havoc on reality.)  So yeah.  I'm still thinking about it 12 hours later.  Depending on the source you check, the quake was either a 4.3 or a 4.5 or a 5.1 on that quakey scale thingy that determines how impressive your local geological rumblings are.  Suffice it to say, it was big enough for people to feel it all over the metro and as far as 90 and 100 miles north of here.  It was big enough for me to blog about it.  

Say you: So, um....what does Kraft caramels have to do with earthquakes?  

Say me: Absolutely nothing.  But an apple slice feels much better after being dipped in a melted version of those little bites of chewy wonderfulness.

BTW, you can't buy earthquakes or Kraft caramels at Costco, at least online. However, you can get these.  Nom.   ->

Related articles

• "Oklahoma earthquake, 4.5 magnitude at 9:06 am today" and related posts (usposttoday.com)
• 4.3 Earthquake in Oklahoma Does Little Damage (blippitt.com)
• Earthquake rattles parts of Oklahoma, felt in Kan. (sfgate.com)

Buy 2

   

Happened to stumble across the little portable work desk in the grocery store today...it was in the same aisle as the ingredients required for my afternoon kitchen experiment, therefore I felt the need to document.  This was the first, and only picture I took.

Say you: Watcha' making?  

Say me: I knew you would ask, so I'm prepared.  

I was reading a novel last week and it mentioned "Magic Bars" at the end.  I'd never heard of Magic Bars, so I looked them up.  They're also called "Hello Dolly's" and some people call them "7 Layer Bars".  I found several recipes online, of course, but to my chagrin they all called for coconut.  

Let's be clear here:  I don't do coconut in baked goods.  EVER.  In my opinion, coconut takes a completely good thing (read: chocolate) and turns it in to some concoction that does nothing more than trigger my gag reflex.  And I'm sorry, but "gag reflex" and "baked goods" should never appear in the same sentence.  

So I decided to make my own recipe.  I'm posting now so I won't forget it.  

Tanya's Magic Bars Which Rightfully Have NO Coconut  
(metric conversion here)

Oven: 350 degrees F

Pan: 13 x 9 

6 oz (1 cup) semi-sweet chocolate chips

6 oz  (1 cup) bitter sweet chocolate chips

6 oz (1 cup) peanut butter chips

1 cup graham cracker crumbs

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter  

1 1/2 cup old fashioned oats (not the quick-cook variety) 

1 cup finely chopped walnuts (although any nut will do) 

1 cup pretzels 

1 14 oz can sweetened condensed milk  (SCM)

Melt butter, mix with graham cracker crumbs, thoroughly combine then press into bottom of your pan.  This is your crust, so let that mixture know who's boss.  Next--and here's the fun part--throw in all the other dry ingredients.  There's no "right" way to do this, it's all going to melt into a gooey mess anyway.  Just make sure the crust is evenly coated with each ingredient.  I didn't even bother crushing the pretzels so I put them on first, but you do what you need to do. Mix and match your favorite nuts and flavored chips. There are hundreds of variations, including adding mini marshmallows.  After you toss in all the dry stuff (I put the oats on top to sandwich the melted stuff with the crust), pour and evenly distribute the SCM on top.  It will soak in and form the glue for all that goodness.  At first glance you might think you need more, but I promise one can is plenty.  These bars are rich.   


place in oven and cook for 25 to 30 minutes or until the SCM has a golden hue.  Let cool completely before cutting. 

And here's the best part:  Since they have oatmeal AND nuts, we can absolutely label this recipe as "health food".  I recommend one (or two) with your morning latte.  -> 

Related articles

• Chocolate pecan bars (atfirstglass.com)
• Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies (glutenfreegoddess.blogspot.com)
• Pink Angel Squares Recipe (christiescorner.com)

ISA

   

I suppose that strategically placed, branded chocolate is suppose to make one feel better about the fact that her copay for regular medical visits increased by 62.5% this year.  And guess what?  If she doesn't have the money she can just charge it!  -> 

Essentials

        

I'm not going to lie.  I will, on occasion, get sucked into buying fresh flowers that are displayed in Super Target.   The fresh flowers that are so conveniently displayed right up front, all pretty and happy, tucked in next to the cucumbers. 

Because I don't know about you, but  this is what happens when I'm shopping and methodically going down the aisle:  "Hmmmm....let's see, I need red peppers, yellow peppers,  radicchio*, butter lettuce and daisies wrapped in cellophane** for my salad."  ->

*I butchered the spelling of that word. 

**Yeah.  I butchered that one too. 

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• Lettuce: More Than Just A Leaf (lifescript.com)
• Container Vegetable Gardening (lifescript.com)
• Floral Inspiration (weddingbee.com)

Diet Oke

I just can't enjoy a summer day without one.  In fact, there is no summer day without one. Said day is nothing, NOTHING but a vast emotional wasteland not worth living without Diet Oke.  ->  

14

So when I was at the store today, I detoured down The Evil Carb Aisle in search of one of my favorite crunchies: Cheez-Its.  I sorta Lllluurrrvvv them, but I only get one kind: the reduced fat ones.  Not for any kind of worries about my waisteline, mind.  If that were the case, I certainly wouldn't be buying Cheez-Its, right?  No, I buy the reduced fat ones because I genuinely like them.  Especially dipped in natural peanut butter.  Which certainly keeps them reduced in fat.   

When I got to the Cheez-It section, I was momentarily taken aback because I couldn't find them. Then I realized the sheer volume of Cheez-Its I with which I was confronted: literally fourteen varieties. I'm not going to even attempt to name them all.  At first I thought they had all those varieties and not the one I wanted absolutely needed.  Karma was smiling on me, though, because there was one.  On the bottom shelf.  WAY in the back.  I had to get on my hands and knees to retrieve them, which is a metaphor, not to mention visual, I refuse to explore any further.  -> 

2/$3

Do you remember when you could buy a candy bar for a quarter?  Do you remember when candy bars were normal in size.  As opposed to being manufactured and packaged as if all of us were the size of Shaquille O'Neal (no.  I couldn't spell that without Google.  I'm doing good to throw a sports figure out there, anyway.  And I only know about him because of those commercials he did.)


What's your favorite candy bar?  I happen to be fond of Milky Way Dark and Valomilks. Let's be clear here: said candy bars must have been in the fridge for at least 6 hours before consumption. Because only heathens eat their chocolate at room temperature.  ->

Meatier

t

Any takers on the chain?  ->