Wednesday, February 22, 2012

How To Put Away Your Towels Correctly, A Pictorial

So I was folding towels the other day, and I needed to put two of them away. One of them was a dark slate blue, which you'll see in a moment, and the other one was this one:  

Here's the spot where they needed to go. I put the first one up and it became immediately apparent that this simply wasn't going to work. 

Had I put the two blue towels in the empty spot available, the end result would have looked like this: 

Or some variation thereof. 

Which is so wrong on so many levels I can't even begin to tell you. Just looking at this picture right here makes me jumpy and uncomfortable and wishing I required a prescription of Xanax because at this moment I would popping three of them.   

You see my problem here, right?  

Please tell me you see it.  


We have, clearly, a rust/light blue, dark blue/rust, light blue/rust pattern established, and I simply can't abide by adding dark blue/light blue to the mix. 

It's an assault on my senses.

But despite evidence to the contrary, I can be nimble when the situation calls for it.  

Observe what was hanging on my towel rack at the time: 

Which was a disaster.  

Say you: What? Why? 
Say me: Really? REALLY? Well, if I have to spell it out for you: 

Utterly unacceptable. I think it goes without saying I was in a fugue state when I hung this particular drying aid. Because I generally never hang a towel in such a sloppy, bedraggled manner. The fact that it's all scrunchy on the bar is bad enough and the ends not meeting up is an offense worthy of mental flogging in the form of no chocolate for a day, but the TAG hanging towards the front 

That's akin to this:  

This was in a public place! Can you believe the Health Department allows this?

And we all know the only reasonable, nay responsible action when encountering this particular appalling arrangement:

But I fixed it. For the public good. 

I should have known better. It's clear I abused the rust towel* unmercifully and needed to pay some restitution. Pronto.  

So I took it down and replaced it with a friend

tossed it in the dryer so it had the feel of just being washed**, folded it and...

Don't talk to me about the  towel ends being all askew.  I'm not that OCD. 

The rust/light blue, dark blue/rust, light blue/rust, rust/dark blue was preserved and all was right with the world.   

I am the total embodiment of domestic awesomesauce. 

A conquering hero. 

A domiciliary monarch.  


(OK, that last statement is probably taking it a bit too far.) 

However, I was able to walk in there all day long and feel as if the universe was a neat and orderly place, worthy of me and my overwhelming organizational triumphs. 

And then The Boy decided to take a bath that night. ->

*I don't have the heart to show you what the The Boy and The Geek do to towels. Truly. The violence is simply gut-wrenching and potentially vomit-inducing. You would be horrified and have an aching desire to start, like right now, a local chapter of Terrycloth Ought Really Receive Everyone's Favor, Yo (T.O.R.R.E.F.Y.) 

**Yes. I took a short cut and didn't actually wash it. I had only used it once.  Sue me. 


Anonymous said...

I am speechless. Robyn

Anonymous said...

wow. just wow.

you need help...

your loving husband.

Anonymous said...

I agree with your loving husband. Is there a point where you have crossed the line from Mental Health professional to Mental Health patient? Because if you have, I think you know where to get the good drugs....:) Robyn

Anonymous said...

Just to add fuel to the fire, OMG, what are you doing hanging your towels up that way? EVERYBODY knows you fold them in half across the shorter side, with the label in and then hang them up evenly.... :-) :-) :-) :-)

Tanya said...

Folding in half across the shorter side then hang them up?

I'm trying to picture this and coming up with a towel that is quartered while hanging. Which is wrong. Because then you can see the bar...

Baysage said...

I hate to admit that on some level I actually understand this. But it's certainly not on any level near the surface.

Deirdre Newcomb said...

And see - I fold the towels in thirds (length wise) so you have a nice long skinny towel to fold over the bar - and then you can put two on the bar at once.

But seriously - the worst picture was the one with the tp folded under not over ... that may cause nightmares!!!

All that is in agreement that there should be order in the world. However, you totally goofed - although it looks pleasing and not boring - my towels would be rust/rust, rust/rust, blue/blue, lt blue/lt blue. Cause I'm just that damn boring I guess.

However - your willingness to admit your awesomeness will sadly be rejected by some (loving husband for example). But if you stopped caring about all the little things - he'd notice everything falls to pieces!

Tanya said...

It was only a matter of time before someone from the two-towels-on-one-rod camp appeared, and you, Deirdre, represent them well.

And yes. I think we all agree the house would fall down to its knees without the orderly types keeping chaos at bay. It's a full-time, unappreciated gig.