Full disclosure?
I was totally shopping for a gun pic in a museum the other day so I didn't have to go out and get another picture later.
And I found one!
I was with a friend. We were looking at this glorious, colorful painting.
The conversation went something like this:
Me (pointing): If you turned that on its side, it looks like a gun.
Him: That's a sword. With flowers coming out the top....Now THAT guy is holding a gun:
Me, to him: Yeah, I guess he is.
Me, to myself: Whatever. He's holding an umbrella.
And then I got a closer look. The woman above umbrella dude is holding not one, but two pistols! Look:
Well, admittedly, I sorta ruined the effect here. In my attempt to draw attention to the guns, I actually drew the beginnings of a (frightfully poor) rendition of the The Scream:
Or a woman's (really saggy) guns. Which I learned when I was at the museum was a euphemism for knockers.
Who knew?
The man with me, that's who. Leave it to a man, including a gay man, to have memorized the complete dictionary of synonyms for that part of the female anatomy. I do believe this ability comes encoded in the Y gene.
On a side note, now that I know "guns" are another name for hooters, I feel compelled to post a picture of a pair one week. You know, so as to get me out of my comfort zone and therefore not compromise my artistic integrity.*
Which means I have to find a female model. And probably some booze, since that's all I have to offer as incentive for posing for me. I can't use stock images as that would be be cheating. Rest assured it won't be a self breastrait because 1) my family reads this blog and I don't want to traumatize them and 2)you read this blog and I don't want to traumatize you. Because those guns up there? Perky compared to mine.
Moving on.
She's wielding handguns, amiright?
ANYWAY...I digress.
Just to prove my friend completely and utterly wrong, I got The Boy in here for fortification:
Me, pointing to the big, red gun that is obviously a gun with fire and blood shooting out the end of it: What does this look like to you if it's turned on its side?
Him(tilting head): A sword.
Me: Go away.
Him: What's it supposed to look like?
Me: A gun.
Him: It's a sword! It doesn't look anything like a gun. It doesn't have a fore grip. Or a magazine. The silouette isn't even remotely the same.
Me: GO AWAY!
Betrayed by the progeny.
He's sleeping on the trampoline tonight. With no access to the popcorn.
Then I went for a clearer path of solidarity.
The Geek.
I make pot pies and chocolate-chip cookies for this man. I do his laundry. I bore his (traitor) children, for crying out loud. SURELY he would see reason on this one.
Me, to The Geek: What does this look like to you if you turn it on it's side?
The Geek (tilting his head): A bridge.
Me: Go away.
The Geek: No, look! There's the sun....
Blah. Blah. Blah.
He's wrong.
Obviously.
What do you see? Here's the unaltered portion of thebig red and pink gun picture once more:
And here it is turned counterclockwise 90 degrees:
I was going to post the entire painting, but Google has failed me. The name of the piece is "The Gods Who Found Water" by Carlos Almaraz (1941-89), oil on canvas. You can see the amazing texture going on in it, which thrilled me when I was experiencing it from just a few inches away. It's a completely different painting up close than when you back away from it.
A painting that clearly depicts guns. ->
*Yeah. I wrote that again.
I was totally shopping for a gun pic in a museum the other day so I didn't have to go out and get another picture later.
And I found one!
I was with a friend. We were looking at this glorious, colorful painting.
The conversation went something like this:
Me (pointing): If you turned that on its side, it looks like a gun.
Him: That's a sword. With flowers coming out the top....Now THAT guy is holding a gun:
Me, to him: Yeah, I guess he is.
Me, to myself: Whatever. He's holding an umbrella.
And then I got a closer look. The woman above umbrella dude is holding not one, but two pistols! Look:
Well, admittedly, I sorta ruined the effect here. In my attempt to draw attention to the guns, I actually drew the beginnings of a (frightfully poor) rendition of the The Scream:
Or a woman's (really saggy) guns. Which I learned when I was at the museum was a euphemism for knockers.
Who knew?
The man with me, that's who. Leave it to a man, including a gay man, to have memorized the complete dictionary of synonyms for that part of the female anatomy. I do believe this ability comes encoded in the Y gene.
On a side note, now that I know "guns" are another name for hooters, I feel compelled to post a picture of a pair one week. You know, so as to get me out of my comfort zone and therefore not compromise my artistic integrity.*
Which means I have to find a female model. And probably some booze, since that's all I have to offer as incentive for posing for me. I can't use stock images as that would be be cheating. Rest assured it won't be a self breastrait because 1) my family reads this blog and I don't want to traumatize them and 2)you read this blog and I don't want to traumatize you. Because those guns up there? Perky compared to mine.
Moving on.
She's wielding handguns, amiright?
ANYWAY...I digress.
Just to prove my friend completely and utterly wrong, I got The Boy in here for fortification:
Me, pointing to the big, red gun that is obviously a gun with fire and blood shooting out the end of it: What does this look like to you if it's turned on its side?
Him(tilting head): A sword.
Me: Go away.
Him: What's it supposed to look like?
Me: A gun.
Him: It's a sword! It doesn't look anything like a gun. It doesn't have a fore grip. Or a magazine. The silouette isn't even remotely the same.
Me: GO AWAY!
Betrayed by the progeny.
He's sleeping on the trampoline tonight. With no access to the popcorn.
Then I went for a clearer path of solidarity.
The Geek.
I make pot pies and chocolate-chip cookies for this man. I do his laundry. I bore his (traitor) children, for crying out loud. SURELY he would see reason on this one.
Me, to The Geek: What does this look like to you if you turn it on it's side?
The Geek (tilting his head): A bridge.
Me: Go away.
The Geek: No, look! There's the sun....
Blah. Blah. Blah.
He's wrong.
Obviously.
What do you see? Here's the unaltered portion of the
And here it is turned counterclockwise 90 degrees:
I was going to post the entire painting, but Google has failed me. The name of the piece is "The Gods Who Found Water" by Carlos Almaraz (1941-89), oil on canvas. You can see the amazing texture going on in it, which thrilled me when I was experiencing it from just a few inches away. It's a completely different painting up close than when you back away from it.
 |
| OK, to be fair, this isn't from the same painting. But it's from one by the same artist |
A painting that clearly depicts guns. ->
*Yeah. I wrote that again.
2 comments:
You don't need to turn it on its side to see that it's a palm tree and there's a woman in a hooded robe standing under the shelter that's beside it. The only guns are the two that woman is holding on the right that you talked about.
All I got out of this was hooters. Your posting more? I need tune in more often.
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