Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Rock Climber I Am Not

Libby is taking acting classes for the next two weeks.  It is summer after all, and with summer comes the inevitable blocks of organized time.  

It was overcast earlier today, and a good 10 degrees cooler then it was yesterday, so I told Libby we were going to walk. The studio is only about a mile and half away--it's a completely doable jaunt.  

There's a drainage canal that runs through my town that is I-don't-even-know how long. The kids all know about it because it runs through a few parks and it is wide enough for frolicking. We decided to walk the canal for an adventure. Plus it gets us about half-way there without having to worry about crossing streets. 

(Enter obligatory photo of my child posing underneath Symmes Street)

Anyway, here's something to remember when you're an adult and muscle mass and agility are a good twenty years behind you.  

At some point, climbing OUT of the canal is required. Which is not a problem if you take the canal to say, Andrews Park, where there are gentle sloping inclines to navigate.  

It IS a problem if your exit point is close to Main Street, where the canal is fortified by 5-feet-tall brick walls on both sides.  


Libby The Monkey was up and out in 5 seconds of course. 


First I had to find a protruding rock of some sort so I could at least get myself half-way there.  

Secondly I had to situate my hands for maximum hold and leverage. Thankfully there's a section of wall up top that's a bit dilapidated right above a protruding rock so it was much easier to grab hold.

Then I actually had to you know, pull myself up and out. I didn't really think this would be a problem because I've been lifting weights! For over a year now! I can even do four full-body push-ups.  

Piece 'o cake, getting myself up and out.  

The first attempt left me huffing and in the canal.  

The second attempt left me huffing and in the canal.  

The third attempt left me huffing and in the canal.  

At which point I hear: 

"Can I give you a hand?"  

This inquiry came not from my daughter, who was standing above me offering me advice but from BEHIND me.  

Holy. Hell.

I had an audience that entire time. An audience of not one but two men, who--I swear to God--were laughing at me. 

"No! No, I've got this." 

"You sure? We can get a ladder down there.."

"NO!! I have my pride, gentlemen. I can do this."  

Fourth attempt got me up and out in one, smooth move.

Thank God for small favors.

I turned around and those bastards were still giggling. But at least I could walk away with my head held high.

We'll ignore the fact that they were treated to a full-on view of my bum as I was doing this. A bum, I might remind you, that is no longer young and has "I've Birthed Two Children" written all over it. Or that I'm pretty sure my left shoulder will never be same. -> 

1 comment:

Baysage said...

You need to change all that stuff about yourself in the all about ME!!! section. Yo Yo is gone and the Rat Cat doesn't look at all like his picture.