Carrots, Cukes, and Comedy

It was field-trip day of sorts in my house.  


I was able to successfully drag The Boy out of bed well before noon* and we went to the farmer's market. 


In addition to some garlic, peaches, jam, and blackberries, I am now the proud owner of this: 

Not actual size.  The real thing can be used as a weapon.

Which I'm aware closely resembles a tusk. But this, my friends, is a cucumber.  

That's right.  

I didn't know they made them like that either. The hard sell came with assurances that I don't have to peel it! It will last two weeks in my fridge! It's the BEST. CUCUMBER. EVER. People come running back for more after they eat it! I felt compelled after that moving speech to honor this magical vegetable in a respectful and artful manner to preserve for all time: 

I've entitled it "Still Life"

Want to know something else? Those round things I used for eyes? 


Cucumbers.

Who knew?


They're called "lemon cucumbers" and I got them from a different vendor. Apparently they're the BEST. CUCUMBERS. EVER. You can use them the same way you use regular cucumbers but they SO MUCH BETTER. Plus they look simply fantastic in still life photography! 


OK, I made that last part up. The vendor didn't actually tell me that, I figured it  out on my own. 


Obviously I bought some. They only set me back $1.75. The tusk U-cuke was pricier: $8 for that thing, which I swear weighs the same as an adult cat. Not that my own adult cat is a good bench mark, but that's another story. 


And then there was the carrot: 

Granted it looks more like a device one would find in a XXX-rated movie as opposed to you know, a root vegetable. But we were assured by the vendor who was selling them that it is the BEST. CARROT. EVER. He gave us this one for free to prove his point.  


For the record it tastes like a carrot. 

But that's not what I wanted to tell you about.  

What I wanted to tell you about is after the visit to the farmer's market, the kids and I went to get something to eat at a small local place. They make sandwiches and salads, which are OK, but they're really known for the noms made on site: cookies, scones, brownies, pies.  After eating, The Boy had to visit the facilities, which is pretty standard.  


As Libby and I are waiting for him, I hear his voice: 


"That bathroom is labeled 'unisex' but I have to say it's an insult to my manhood!** There are pictures of women's undergarments*** hanging in there! And there's a picture of a little girl! She can't be older than 5! I'm sure I'm breaking some kind of federal law pulling down my pants in front of that thing."  


This, he was saying not to me, but to the women at the front counter. 


My son the stand-up comedian. 


But wait! There's more. 


I'm sorry, there's not more.  I thought I could post a video of my kid rapping. 


Not rapping just anything, mind you.  


He was rapping Shakespeare. 


Henry IV, part I to be exact. 


But I can't back it up with the actual video because right now it just exist on Facebook and I'm not friends with his friend who posted it. 


So never mind. ->


*I threatened to take his picture in bed and post it on Facebook. This tactic proved quite effective. 


**He doesn't turn 18 for another 10 days, so I guess he's legally a man very soon. Still, hearing a high-schooler use this term is comical. 


***Yeah, he actually said "undergarments".